Over at the Daily Mail today you will find a story about Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene allegedly having a pair of affairs with guys she met at the gym. One of them, according to the tabloid, was Justin Tway, who became the manager of the Alpharetta, Georgia, CrossFit gym where Greene was on staff and worked out. The other was supposedly Craig Ivey, a “polyamorous tantric-sex guru,” according to the Daily Mail, who has posted at least one Facebook photo of himself stark naked in front of waterfall doing yoga. (On Instagram, Ivey says he is “Living a warrior lifestyle while finding tantric love” and is planning to start a polyamorous commune. According to the Daily Mail, he also teaches sword fighting and participates in medieval battle reenactments.) The affairs allegedly happened nearly a decade ago, presumably before Greene had any interest in higher office, in part because Ivey’s politics appear to be the polar opposite of Greene’s. (In one Facebook photo he sports what appears to be a red “Make America Great Again” hat, which actually reads “Made You Look, Black Lives Matter.”) Neither man denied the affairs to the Daily Mail, and Jim Chambers, who owns the gym where the three allegedly met, told the paper Greene was “quite open about” the dalliances. New Yorker reporter Charles Bethea also spoke to one of the men Greene allegedly slept with—it’s not clear which one—who said, “She’s not the pro-family, pro-Christian, strong-business woman she touts herself to be.”
Unsurprisingly, Greene has denied everything, calling the article “ridiculous tabloid garbage spread by an avowed Communist” and “another attempt to smear my name because I’m the biggest threat to the Democrats’ Socialist agenda.” To which we say: Congresswoman, have more alleged affairs! Please! For America!
To be clear, this request isn’t about advocating for cheating on one’s spouse, and we don’t actually care what consenting adults do with their private lives as long as no one is getting hurt. Instead, it’s about Greene spending more time allegedly banging tantric-sex gurus and gym owners and less time doing all the other things that have kept her occupied over the last few years, including but not limited to:
- Promoting QAnon, the conspiracy theory that Democrats, Hollywood, and other elites are running a Satanic pedophile cult and eat babies;
- Claiming school shootings like Parkland and Sandy Hook were false flags and/or staged, and that Nancy Pelosi and Hillary Clinton wanted school shootings to happen so they could get gun control legislation passed;
- Harassing David Hogg, a survivor of the Marjory Stoneman Douglas shooting and screaming at him on the street that he was a “coward” using children to further anti-gun initiatives;
- Insisting there’s no evidence a plane actually crashed into the Pentagon on 9/11;
- Blaming the California wildfires on Jewish laser beams;
- Baselessly claiming the election was stolen from Donald Trump;
- Calling for Nancy Pelosi to be executed
- Offering a fake mea culpa for some of the above and then making it clear she wasn’t sorry about any of it
Think about it: Just by virtue of the number of hours in a day, if Greene were having affairs with the manager of a CrossFit gym and a polyamorous tantric-sex guru, she probably wouldn’t have the time to chase down school-shooting survivors on the street or spread baseless conspiracy theories about her opponents being members of a Satan-worshipping cabal that eats children or film videos of herself calling for the murder of Democratic leadership. She just wouldn’t! In fact, if she‘s having tantric sex like Sting and Trudie Styler, that kind of thing can take the better part of the day. In which case she might not even have time to serve in Congress at all. And since Republicans won’t expel her for all the actually heinous things she’s done, it would be great (for the country) if she could suddenly realize on her own that she just can’t juggle both.
(Tway, unfortunately, does not appear interested in reigniting things, telling the Daily Mail: “I have no interest in talking about anything to do with that woman. Everything with her comes to no good.” Ivey similarly told the paper, “I will not respond to anything about this.”)
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To be fair, it doesn’t take that long to say, “Let’s be honest…you’re going to acquit our client no matter what.” Per CNN: