Jim Jordan Trips Over His Own Asshole Trying to Debate Anthony Fauci

Early on in the coronavirus pandemic, Republicans decided to make Anthony Fauci their archenemy, having found in the immunologist a perfect target through which to whip up the base. Fauci, of course, is everything the GOP hates: a man of science with not one but two degrees, the doctor showed a treasonous level of disrespect over the last year by failing to agree with every single thing Donald Trump said about the virus, or tell the reporters, “I actually think injecting bleach into your veins is a great idea.” Also, if you can believe it, he’s refused to back up Republicans’ claim that the COVID-19 crisis is a hoax that Americans need not worry about or take any precautions over.

Outside of hysterically whining about him on Fox News, one of the ways GOP lawmakers have made their feelings about Fauci clear is during congressional hearings, in which they use their five minutes to pretend to be doctors who don’t have any idea what they’re talking about. Senator Rand Paul has attacked the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases director in such a forum on several occasions, and on Wednesday, Representative Jim Jordan decided it was his turn.

Claiming Americans have had their “liberties” “assaulted” by the government advising mask wearing and social distancing, Jordan demanded that Fauci give him an exact date that people will get their “freedoms” back, i.e. when they can stop wearing protective face coverings—if they were in the first place—and start gathering in large groups. When Fauci responded that he doesn’t consider telling people what to do to stop the spread of a virus that has killed more than half a million people in the United States a violation of one’s civil liberties, Jordan shot back with a bizarre claim that “Over the last year, American’s First Amendment rights have been completely attacked. Your right to go to church, your right to assemble, your right to petition your government, freedom of the press, freedom of speech have all been assaulted.”

Reason and logic being lost on Jordan, Fauci‘s response that “we’re not talking about liberties, we’re talking about a pandemic that has killed 560,000 Americans. That’s what we’re talking about” obviously didn’t sit right with the representative from Ohio. His mask rarely covering his nose, Jordan started ranting about censorship, claiming that people aren’t allowed to disagree with Fauci, and screaming, “When is low enough? Give me a number!”

But Fauci’s explanation that there will be “a gradual pulling back of some of the restrictions you’re talking about” when “infections per day are well below 10,000 per day” apparently wasn’t an acceptable answer. “I’m just asking you when is it going to end,” Jordan blustered. “You can say I’m ranting. I’m actually asking a question that the citizens I get the privilege of representing and my name actually goes on the ballot.” Told that his time had run out, he screamed, “I’d like my question answered!” At which point he was told by Representative Maxine Waters, speaking for millions of Americans, to shut the hell up.

While Fauci has continued to have to deal with the likes of Jordan, Paul, etc., last January he was unshackled from the burden of working for the world’s most ignorant moron, i.e. Donald Trump. Days after Joe Biden was inaugurated, Fauci giddily told the press corps it was downright freeing to work for someone who actually wants him to tell the nation the truth about the pandemic, and not just pretend it’s going to “miraculously” go away. “I can tell you I take no pleasure at all in being in a situation of contradicting the president, so it was really something that you didn’t feel you could actually say something and there wouldn’t be any repercussions about it,” he explained, of working for Biden. “The idea that you can get up here and talk about what you know, what the evidence and science is, and know that’s it—let the science speak—it is somewhat of a liberating feeling.” When a reporter described Fauci as having “joked a couple times” about what an astonishing difference it was to go from working for the 45th president to the 46th, the doctor made it extremely clear that he was completely serious and that the previous year had been hell on earth. “You said I was joking about it. I was very serious. I wasn’t joking,” he said.

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You’ll never believe it but it turns out Matt Gaetz was the type of high schooler to ask, “Do you know who my father is?”

In other words, was a little shit, according to former classmates who spoke to Business Insider:

Gaetz once threatened to use his father’s political sway against a teenage girl on the debate team when she and Gaetz got into a fight, his debate teammate recalled. According to the teammate, the girl, who had gotten a coveted slot at the debate camp at Dartmouth College, got into a fight with Gaetz.

“He was, like, ‘You don’t speak like that to me, or I’m going to call my dad and have him call some people at Dartmouth so your admission gets withdrawn,’“ the teammate told Insider. That person wasn’t sure whether Gaetz tried to act on his threat but recalled the girl being worried about it at the time.

Yeah, that sounds like our Matt!

Jeff Bezos tells shareholders he’s looking into creative new ways to work employees to the bone

No word on the pee-bottle situation, though. Per The Wall Street Journal:

Mr. Bezos said [in a letter to shareholders that] as he steps into the role of executive chairman, he is focused on new initiatives and innovations the company can create. He said Amazon needs to invent solutions to reduce the number of injuries at Amazon warehouses. About 40% of work-related injuries are caused by what he called musculoskeletal disorders, he said. He highlighted one such program in existence across North America and Europe that teaches small groups of employees body mechanics.

Mr. Bezos said the company is developing staffing schedules that rotate employees among jobs that use different muscle groups to decrease repetitive motion. He said he expects Amazon to set a standard that others follow. Mr. Bezos promised that Amazon could become the world’s best employer and its safest place to work, in addition to being its most consumer-centric company.

Bezos claimed that reports of unsafe working conditions at the company’s warehouses are inaccurate, though he didn’t refute any specific allegations, of which there are many.

Elsewhere!

“We failed Adam”: Body camera videos appear to show 13-year-old Adam Toledo put hands up before fatal police shooting (USA Today)

Coronavirus hot spots flare up across nation, pushing up hospitalizations (The Washington Post)

Unused Vaccines Are Piling Up Across U.S. as Some Regions Resist (Bloomberg)

U.S. Imposes Stiff Sanctions on Russia, Blaming It for Major Hacking Operation (NYT)

Inspector general says police order to hold back riot-control weapons compromised Capitol on Jan. 6 (The Washington Post)

One of the Cops Involved in Breonna Taylor’s Death Just Got a Book Deal (HuffPo)

Reparations bill approved out of committee in historic vote (Politico)

Prince Philip designed his own hearse (Twitter)

“The coffin was a giant cream donut” (AP)

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