Much like Isaac Newton and Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz independently inventing calculus, so, too, have Mariah Carey and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez simultaneously formulated an important theory for 2020. Christmas season, this year, is whenever you want it.
Carey, who each year sings that all she wants for Christmas is me (maybe you hear it differently), was first out of the gate with her declaration for an express holiday lane. She used the cinematic form to suggest a clean jump from Halloween’s spooky season to that of Christmas’s tinsel and mistletoe. Her 18 second video implies that Carey spends the year in a yuletide-themed closet with two dogs and fake snow. “It’s time!” she shouts, as a goblin of some sort frees her from her cage of merriment.
You’ll note that Carey hedges her bet a little here. (Perhaps she doesn’t want to push her luck against conservative forces, what with living inside a windowless winter wonderland with no furniture in pajamas.) Her declaration concludes with the conciliatory note, “but let’s get through Thanksgiving first.”
This explains why Carey, however vital a performer she may be, is not in the vanguard of progressive politics in our nation’s capitol. For that we turn to the congresswoman from Queens and the Bronx, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.
A mere one-hour-and-twenty-two-minutes later (less time than to watch Shrek) AOC mused that she no longer abides by harsh calendrical strictures when it comes to seasonal festive cheer. She explained her thought process, realizing that spotting an earlier-than-usual tree is not worth “bust[ing] someone’s chops” over this year. In fact, she declared, it’s open season on keeping those trees up all the way to Valentine’s Day. If you need some emergency Kris Kringle care in your life, she says it’s ok. “No rules anymore.”
What this means is obvious. These two visionaries need to record a duet this season. Or at least ring some doorbells in New York’s 14th District to sing some carols.
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