Are you pro-Zoom and FaceTime still? Or has a fatigue settled in at this point?
Katya: I’m on full Zoom fatigue.
Mattel: You are? I love it.
Katya: Well, because you’ve got that lighting, girl. It’s Academy Award–winning cinematography over there.
Mattel: I run my cosmetics company remotely, and we have to have Zoom meetings because I need to see the fear in people’s eyes for there to be accountability.
Katya: One thing I do miss is the physicality of being somewhere in person. Literally, right now, I’m putting rhinestones on shoes. I miss walking into a room and having people go [retches]. I just want to be somewhere and be seen in real life.
How do you maintain the full fantasy while you’re at home and nobody else is seeing that?
Katya: It underscores the fact that you really dress up for yourself. You dress up for you. Of course, the validation is part and parcel of maintaining a somewhat functional self-esteem. But at the end of the day, I get into drag for me.
Mattel: No matter how many of us beg her not to.
How do you stay professional even while you’re working from home?
Katya: I don’t know that I’m familiar with what that is.
Mattel: I fancy myself a Miranda Priestly in the world, and I think Katya fancies herself a different Meryl Streep character.
Katya: Yeah, more like a Grace Coddington who’s wandering the highway. I have the vision, but something is definitely askew or awry, and I need help immediately.
Mattel: She’s gonna need a cup of soup and two hair clips.
Katya: And some rubber shoes.
People seem to be indulging in their vices a lot more now, whether that’s drinking or smoking pot or what have you. Do you have any recommendations for people who’ve grown bored with those options?
Katya: To be honest, this is the perfect time to—safely—experiment with psychedelics. Drop a little acid! Uncover the layers of reality in your own home with a loved one. But just once or twice.
Mattel: Yes, with the hospitals pushed to their limits, this is a great time to experiment with your body.
Katya: No, ditch the booze and just fucking exercise. There are so many things you can do with your body and the floor and a wall. You don’t even need the wall. Just get on that floor and just Flashdance it away.
To that end, a lot of people are having a hard time maintaining an exercise routine. What would you recommend to those people?
Katya: Oh, I don’t know, maybe one of the 14 million free workouts that are available on every single media source from Instagram to YouTube to the television. Anything and everything is there.
Mattel: Work on your legs! Every time I see a straight guy with big arms and little twig legs, I’m like, Get fucking real.
Katya: Get that can bigger.
The section on social media is particularly helpful, especially for setting rules such as “no phone in bed.” Do you think those boundaries still matter when we’re all stuck at home?
Katya: I am notoriously horrible with control and discipline, but this is one thing that I’ve consistently been able to adhere to. The bed and the bedroom is a technology-free zone. And because of that I sleep like a fucking baby.
Mattel: She also has this line in the book which I love.