Forgiven for Forgetting
After starting the year with one of the best horror sequels of all time in Hellbound: Hellraiser II, we moved into the hilariously smart German satire Killer Condom. Trace and I should have known the good times wouldn’t last!
With this week’s discussion of Renny Harlin‘s The Covenant, we begin a two-week stretch of poorly rated, very dumb thrillers. In the film, Caleb (Steven Strait) is a member of the popular Boys of Ipswich at an elite boarding school. He also has a dangerous birthright: the men in his family can use The Power to get what they want.
The trade-off? The more they use their abilities, the faster they age, as evidenced by his father’s (Stephen McHattie) condition.
Things change with the arrival of dangerous bad boy Chase (Sebastian Stan). Suddenly both Caleb’s relationship with Sarah (Laura Ramsey) and his 18th birthday ascension are under threat. Will Caleb survive long enough to fully come into his powers, or is he doomed to become Chase’s wi-otch?
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Episode 265 – The Covenant (2006)
Q: What do you get when you cross The Lost Boys with The Craft but make it awful?
A: J.S. Cardone and Renny Harlin’s The Covenant (2006), which features hot boy witches throwing globs of CGI semen at each other!
We have so much to say about this nonsense, including its overly complicated mythology and self-serious tone, villainous bisexual king Chase (played by Sebastian Stan), thankless damsels in distress, and addiction/gay allegories (paging Buffy S06).
Plus: insects vs spiders, throwing the script supervisor under the bus, and why Stephen McHattie should have had a bigger role!
Cross out The Covenant!
Coming up on Wednesday: Our dumb fun run continues with Christian E. Christiansen’s “baby Single White Female” film, The Roommate (2011)!
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