The boys are at it again. Jimmy Kimmel did not mince his words when describing Senator Ted Cruz on Monday night’s episode of Jimmy Kimmel Live! In his opening monologue, Kimmel engaged in one of his favorite past times: roasting Cruz after the Texas senator praised a Russian army recruitment ad while criticizing a U.S. military ad as “woke” and “emasculated” on Twitter.
“Ted Cruz, who four years ago took permanent residence up the ass of a man who beat him in every election by calling his wife ugly and slandering his elderly father, says this is emasculating,” Kimmel said, before absolutely laying into the Republican senator. “Primarily because Ted Cruz is not human. He is a moist, gelatinous tubeworm whose elastic-band pants are filled with an inky discharge every time he speaks.”
Apparently, Cruz didn’t exactly appreciate being called a fat, squishy worm with inky discharge who resides in Donald Trump‘s anal cavity. He took to Twitter to fire shots back at Kimmel, bringing up [checks notes] a one-on-one basketball game dubbed “The Blobfish Basketball Classic” they played for charity three years ago as a testament to his masculinity. “@JimmyKimmelLive keeps talking crap. Really tough guy. Here’s a reminder, when we played one-on-one, I kicked his ass. He has to live with that… forever. Rematch, punk?” Cruz tweeted.
For the record, Cruz actually won by just two points, wrapping up the game at 11-9 instead of playing until 15 as planned because it was taking too long. “We played one on one,” Kimmel said on his show after the fact. “It took almost an hour to get to 6 points ― which would be a lot if this was a World Cup soccer game. But it was not.”
Instead of agreeing to a redux of “The Blobfish Basketball Classic,” Kimmel instead responded with another sick burn, referencing Cruz’s penchant for getting caught lurking on Twitter after dark. “Oh Ted..” Kimmel replied, “you get so sad after you masturbate.” Your move, Cruz.
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