Donald Trump has had a tough go of it recently. His dreams of being forever president have been dashed. The lady decided to send the email to President-elect Joe Biden that said, “Congratulations! You have been accepted into the White House’s four-year program. Here is your scholarship money and some passwords!” He’s still moaning on about voter fraud, while his team has made gestures at getting around to maybe trying to eventually prove it in court, but not yet, thanks. So it looks like he’s on the way out the door.
But first there’s a turkey named Corn to pardon. (Corn won the right to a pardon over Cob in a Twitter poll, a voting process that surely makes him seethe with jealousy.) It was all very strange: The tradition is a strange one, but it’s a tradition, and the one carrying it out is a strange one, but he played it pretty straight this time. He, so good at riffing, especially on this kind of “weird shit” like turkey pardoning, was not himself. In a stilted reading of his speech, he congratulated the Dow, which jumped following the news that his successor was granted his transition resources, and thanked the medical workers. He praised the vaccines under development. He was only racist once, calling the virus the name that he calls the virus.
The biggest question on everyone’s lips is: Who’s going to pardon President Turkey? To that question, he simply stared forward and mouthed the words, “Thank you very much.”
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