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Trump Campaign Claims Biden Will Have a Secret Debate Earpiece Because Secret Bionic Chip Sounded Too Crazy

In the run-up to Tuesday night’s presidential debate, Donald Trump and his supporters have simultaneously claimed that if Joe Biden wins it’ll be because he got the questions ahead of time, because the media is in the can for Democrats, and because he’s taking performance-enhancing drugs. Now, with just hours to go until the event kicks off in Cleveland, Ohio, the president’s surrogates are trying a new, more batshit tack: Biden is going to have a secret earpiece so his campaign can feed him the answers.

Chatting during America’s Newsroom, anchor Bill Hemmer and reporter Bret Baier, who are supposedly part of Fox News’ “straight news” team, floated the conspiracy theory. “Peter Doocy is reporting some interesting things. I don’t know if you’ve got these nuggets yet or not, but I’ll read them for our viewers,” Hemmer said. “The Trump team asked to inspect the ears of each debater for electronic devices or transmitters; the Biden team has not consented to that. The Biden team wanted to break every 30 minutes; the Trump team said we will not have that. What more can you fill in about those requests thus far?”

Suggesting Doocy’s report was in any way remotely true, Baier responded, “Those are significant. First of all, the breaks are set by the debate commission. So the Trump campaign may not have agreed to it, but also the debate commission has always said that it’s 90 minutes straight through, and that’s how they planned for it and that’s what they told the network. That’s what’s we’re planning for as far as our coverage. As far as the listening devices and the Biden campaign’s response to that, I think that’s interesting, and we’re going to have to follow that through the day to, you know, what comes out of that.”

Of course, for anyone who hasn’t spent the last several years watching Fox News, which doctors say results in oxygen being cut off to the brain, the notion that Biden will be wearing a secret listening device isn’t “interesting”—it’s insane, entirely baseless, and reeks of the obvious desperation from people who are terrified to see Trump lose. It’s also only being reported as legitimate by places like Breitbart, right-wing, fact-free outlet PJ Media, U.S. Conservative, and “The New Revolution II,” after swirling around the dregs of the internet:

Obviously the Trump campaign is throwing out absurd requests in an attempt to spin Biden’s refusal to go along with them as an admission of guilt. (There is a nonzero chance Trump demands tonight that the Democratic nominee submit to a paternity test, and when Biden refuses, he’ll claim it’s obviously because he’s hiding the fact that he’s moderator Chris Wallace’s biological father.) “Joe Biden’s handlers several days ago agreed to a pre-debate inspection for electronic earpieces but today abruptly reversed themselves and declined. Biden’s handlers have asked for multiple breaks during the debate, which President Trump doesn’t need, so we have rejected that request,” campaign spokesman Tim Murtaugh said in a statement. “On top of the refusal to take a drug test, it seems pretty obvious that the Biden team is looking for any safety net they can find in the hours leading up to the debate.“

Responding to the ridiculous accusations, Biden deputy campaign manager Kate Bedingfield pointed out the obvious, saying Trump’s staff “seems concerned that he may not do well tonight, and they’re already laying the groundwork for how they’re going to lie about why. It is completely absurd. Of course he is not wearing an earpiece, and we never asked for breaks.” Adding, “If we’re playing that game, then, you know, the Trump team asked that Chris Wallace never mention the number of COVID deaths once during the debate. You can consider that confirmed from the Biden campaign. See how easy that was to try and throw out a distraction? It is pathetic. It’s weak. Once again the Trump campaign is lying. They’re going to process because they don’t want to debate Joe Biden on the substance. You go to process when you can’t go to substance.”

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