It’s America’s big birthday party this weekend, and the president wants to get us something really special with our money. He always does! His love language is gifts, and he’s always looking for something that shows how much he cares. Last year it was tanks. I think we can all agree that nothing quite says it like a tank. Having four or so tanks parked at your party says things like, “Guess who has two thumbs and a military industrial complex? Haha, this guy.” And, “How about this, huh? Look at it! Wow, how about it.”
The thing is that this year we’re not having tanks. Whether we can’t afford them or it’s an optics thing or a pandemic issue, I have no idea. It’s just not in the cards. The White House didn’t clarify why there will be no tanks at the 2020 “Salute to America” pageant, but it kind of sounds like it’s because tanks are pretty pricey. According to Politico, which is quoting a watchdog group, last year’s celebration included parked military vehicles out for display and ended up costing taxpayers over $13 million, double the usual budget.
So if we can’t have the tanks, then what kinds of aircraft—the tanks of the sky—can we have? The answer is so many of them! There will likely be all sorts of planes and whirlybirds up there in the airspace this weekend, in addition to the requested Air Force Thunderbirds demonstration team. Politico names the ones the White House reportedly asked for: F-35 and F-22 fighter jets. A B-2 stealth bomber. A V-22 Osprey tilt-rotor. CH-47 Chinook and AH-64 Apache helicopters. These will fly over D.C. and several other cities, including Baltimore, Philly, Boston, and New York. In a statement released Friday, the Pentagon said that, money-wise, “flying hours are a sunk cost for the Department of Defense, and these aircraft and crews would be using these hours for proficiency and training at other locations if they were not conducting these flyovers.” So they’re basically saving money here.
White House spokesperson Judd Deere added that the tanks won’t be the only difference in the party. “It will have a different look than 2019 to ensure the health and safety of those attending,” he said. “The American people have shown tremendous courage and spirit in the fight against this global pandemic just as our forefathers did in the fight to secure our independence, and both deserve celebration on America’s birthday this year.”
Aw, yeah, he is right. We do deserve big airplanes flying over our heads, from a stealth bomber to our favorite, that Osprey tilt-rotor. Apache helicopters? La di da. This guy always knows exactly what to get us.
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