Still, Dastardly, with his army of cutesy robots—who will, when the great war for Heaven begins, undoubtedly square off against the Minions, and lose—is just not a Scooby Doo villain. His hunt involves ancient texts and a legend about Alexander the Great, not a broken down carnival he’s trying to get rezoned or something. The proportions are off. Though maybe that’s just me flailing away uselessly as some sort of purist, when in truth I’ve only a small amount of affectionate loyalty to the original formula.
Ultimately, I’m not sure who, if anyone, will really care that Scooby Doo’s DNA has been so thoroughly altered. I doubt many people will be online moaning that their childhood “has been ruined” because Scoob and pals are battling supernatural forces from Greek antiquity in this movie, instead of the cheap fakery of enterprising conmen. Maybe they won’t even care that Scooby talks way too much, and way too coherently. We’re all caught up in the sweep of change, in the constant reimagining of and tinkering with old things, and some battles just aren’t worth it. I suspect people will save their energy to defend true classics, and let this vague injustice—crafted from kitsch, rather than sacred text—pass by them in the coursing slipstream of content.
That said, Scoob! is a dumb movie, full of creaky topical references and jokes that are above kids’ heads but below adults’. It’s also pretty boring, because it makes no real effort to give the plot any sort of cinematic build. We’re introduced to young Shaggy as he meets young Scooby, then they encounter the rest of the soon-to-be gang, and then we’re rocketed ahead into (I guess) the present, when the the superhero stuff kicks in and all the traditional Scooby lore we’ve just been (re)taught is immediately tossed out the window. Perhaps your children won’t (and shouldn’t, really) care about the debasing of a lesser icon from yesteryear. But they might at least care about narrative structure!
Well, I’ve gone and exhausted myself raging at the dying of the light, so I’ve nothing more to say about Scoob! See it if you want, or if you must (at least one friend has told me that his child has made it a household requirement). Rant about its apostasy, its violation of the old ways. Or, maybe, revel in its reinvention. Your reaction, or non-reaction, is up to you. Me, I could have done without the superhero stuff—just once, please. But also, if I’m honest? I wouldn’t mind seeing whatever comes after this initial salvo of Hanna-Barbera synergistic maximalism. Because if Captain Caveman (Tracy Morgan, fun) is good enough for Scoob!, then how far behind could, say, the Funky Phantom really be? I’d be into that flamboyant sequel appearance, and am willing to wait for it—if the CW doesn’t go ahead and make Hot Jonny Quest first, anyway.
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